Andrea Carol Knell Welch
Many of you have heard the story of my parents divorce, but not necessarily all the details. In August of 1985, my mother filed for divorce. My father, being so emotionally disturbed and abusive, didn't handle the divorce papers well. The divorce was really a long time coming, and my mother finally got up the nerve to do it. My father, as a result, became much more emotionally and physically abusive after the filing. He actually tried to bribe my brother and I with a "free ride" through University if we, together, would drive my mother out of the house. I was not going to go along with that plan, and so, my brother and my father literally drove my mother and I out of the house.
The things we suffered in the months after my mother filed were absolutely awful. At first, we just split everything in the house down the "middle". We had our own dishes, food, toilet paper, etc. Then it got worse; chasing us around the house with baseball bats, threatening us with knives, having my mother arrested a number of times (they told the police that she was doing to them what they were actually doing to us - essentially lying to get her arrested). Many times I didn't have the bail money and had to rely on my mother's friends to bail her out of jail, while explaining many times to the police that my father and brother were really the problem.
Well, one night, my father got pretty violent with me and I had a goose egg on my forehead as a result. Finally, we got a court restraining order that he wasn't to go near me. Unfortunately, that wasn't much protection because we were still living with them. My mother told me she was instructed by her lawyer to stay in the house because the courts would look unfavorably at a mother that would "abandon" her under aged child - my brother. At least, that was what my mother told me her lawyer said. So, the night that my dad slammed my head into our kitchen counter was the day I ran over to a neighbors house asking for help. The neighbor was Andi and Jim Welch's house. I told them what happened and the police were called. A few days later, my mother and I were approached by the Welch's with the proposal that I stay with them so I could finish my last year of high school and go on to my chosen University.
You cannot imagine the relief I had, knowing I didn't have to live in terror anymore. I can't believe I actually could sleep those 6 months in that house. We tried to take pictures of what my father and brother were doing and when my dad found the camera, he tried to flush the film - the pictures never came out. If Andi and Jim didn't make the move they did to help me, I really believe I might not be here today. You read in the newspapers and hear many incidents of domestic violence ending with children killed and mothers killed. Our situation was definitely escalating and very worrisome. Why couldn't the police see this? They knew our house was a troubled one not only from that year, but previous years.
I babysat for the Welch's most of my high school years. I knew them very well and had made a very good friend in Andi. I loved her kids and was always privy to the loving relationship she had with her husband Jim. I learned a lot from the Welch's, especially Andi. She was a wonderful mother to her kids and me. She was vivacious and kind. She treated everyone with respect. I have modeled my own mothering from her example and I've picked a wonderful husband using Jim as an example. I couldn't have asked for better mentors at that time in my life.
A couple of weeks ago, I recieved news that Andi died. She was only 53. She died of complications from surgery. She is always on my mind and my grief comes in waves. I'm so grateful that I have Flamenco in my life to express my grief and Andi, being a dancer herself, would be happy to know that she is an inspiration to my dancing and my life.
This is a picture of Andi and Lily. Lily was 5 months old. It was taken just before we moved from the Chicago area to Vancouver.
Over the years, since we moved here, I would talk on the phone with Andi maybe three times per year. I would send emails and she would send emails. I'm grateful I got the chance to talk to her on the phone over the Summer. It's such a reminder that every second we're here counts. You never know what's around the corner.
I'm going to Chicago for the memorial service next week. I've only been back there once for Thanksgiving a few years ago. I didn't expect that this would be the reason for my second visit back home. I will miss Andi.
The things we suffered in the months after my mother filed were absolutely awful. At first, we just split everything in the house down the "middle". We had our own dishes, food, toilet paper, etc. Then it got worse; chasing us around the house with baseball bats, threatening us with knives, having my mother arrested a number of times (they told the police that she was doing to them what they were actually doing to us - essentially lying to get her arrested). Many times I didn't have the bail money and had to rely on my mother's friends to bail her out of jail, while explaining many times to the police that my father and brother were really the problem.
Well, one night, my father got pretty violent with me and I had a goose egg on my forehead as a result. Finally, we got a court restraining order that he wasn't to go near me. Unfortunately, that wasn't much protection because we were still living with them. My mother told me she was instructed by her lawyer to stay in the house because the courts would look unfavorably at a mother that would "abandon" her under aged child - my brother. At least, that was what my mother told me her lawyer said. So, the night that my dad slammed my head into our kitchen counter was the day I ran over to a neighbors house asking for help. The neighbor was Andi and Jim Welch's house. I told them what happened and the police were called. A few days later, my mother and I were approached by the Welch's with the proposal that I stay with them so I could finish my last year of high school and go on to my chosen University.
You cannot imagine the relief I had, knowing I didn't have to live in terror anymore. I can't believe I actually could sleep those 6 months in that house. We tried to take pictures of what my father and brother were doing and when my dad found the camera, he tried to flush the film - the pictures never came out. If Andi and Jim didn't make the move they did to help me, I really believe I might not be here today. You read in the newspapers and hear many incidents of domestic violence ending with children killed and mothers killed. Our situation was definitely escalating and very worrisome. Why couldn't the police see this? They knew our house was a troubled one not only from that year, but previous years.
I babysat for the Welch's most of my high school years. I knew them very well and had made a very good friend in Andi. I loved her kids and was always privy to the loving relationship she had with her husband Jim. I learned a lot from the Welch's, especially Andi. She was a wonderful mother to her kids and me. She was vivacious and kind. She treated everyone with respect. I have modeled my own mothering from her example and I've picked a wonderful husband using Jim as an example. I couldn't have asked for better mentors at that time in my life.
A couple of weeks ago, I recieved news that Andi died. She was only 53. She died of complications from surgery. She is always on my mind and my grief comes in waves. I'm so grateful that I have Flamenco in my life to express my grief and Andi, being a dancer herself, would be happy to know that she is an inspiration to my dancing and my life.
This is a picture of Andi and Lily. Lily was 5 months old. It was taken just before we moved from the Chicago area to Vancouver.
Over the years, since we moved here, I would talk on the phone with Andi maybe three times per year. I would send emails and she would send emails. I'm grateful I got the chance to talk to her on the phone over the Summer. It's such a reminder that every second we're here counts. You never know what's around the corner.
I'm going to Chicago for the memorial service next week. I've only been back there once for Thanksgiving a few years ago. I didn't expect that this would be the reason for my second visit back home. I will miss Andi.
posted by Nicholette Hoyer at 6:50 PM
0 comments
